Most of this stuff is written directly by me. Today, I am allowing my daughter to share her story with you. Many of you have prayed for her, but even if you have not prayed for her I am sure her story will be a blessing to you.
As a child I had the privilege of growing up in Christian household. I knew from a very young age about Jesus and what he had done for me. It wasn’t until I was about five that I realized that I wouldn’t get to heaven just because my parents believed or because I was a good little girl. It was at that time that I put my trust in the Lord Jesus Christ to take away my sins.
From then on I had a pretty good life. Our family was problem free. I hadn’t had anyone close to me die. We weren’t rich, but we had enough. I was happy with my life. I naively believed that life was always going to be easy because I obeyed God. I thought that God could only bless you through good times and not through trying situations.
When I was fifteen I got very sick. I was hospitalized and passed from doctor to doctor. They finally settled on a diagnosis. They told me I had JRA (Juvenile rheumatoid arthritis). This was not a comfort because this disorder doesn’t have a known cure.
Through the first two years of my illness I went through a series of emotions. The embarrassment of the illness hurt my pride. I wasn’t able to do easy things like brushing my teeth or getting up from a chair. It made me rely on others. I didn’t like not being in control. I didn’t like the idea of people not seeing me at church. I still thought that if I didn’t go to church and do my “services” I wasn’t being a good Christian. I became angry at God. “How could he do this to me? Hadn’t I always done what you asked me to do? Hadn’t I been acting like a good Christian?”
This is when I started to reason with God. “God, if you make me better I will do whatever you want me to do. Think of all the things I could do for you and your work if I was healthy.” This went on for months. I felt so alone and deserted. I lost faith in “who” God is. He didn’t care about me. I was just going to die, or worse, live my life half dead.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone about how I was struggling. I didn’t think Christians had problems or felt dissatisfied. So I did the only thing I could think of to do. I pretended I believed in God and that he was present in my life. For a year I when to church and smiled at everyone and said I was fine. Life was too hard to talk about, and I would rather live pretending everything was okay than face the fact that my life was falling apart at the seams.
Two years ago God had my parents meet a lady who suggested I be tested for Lyme disease again. My parents had a great peace over this, so I decide I would go along with them and be tested. The test came back that I had Lyme. I went to my first appointment with my new doctor. Four things happened that day that had never happened to me before in all the time that I had been sick. My doctor, actually listen to what I had to say and didn’t make me feel like I was making it up. He had answers to my questions. At the end of our appointment he asked us how we were doing spiritually and then he prayed with us. It was at that moment that I had peace for the first time in two years. I didn’t know if I was going to get better, but I could trust God. I had forgotten how that felt.
That has been two years ago now. I am feeling better than I have in years and I am getting to the end of my treatment. It has been a long and hard road, but I am thankful that God put me through this. He has taught me many lessons through this all that I might not have learned otherwise. I learned about myself and my own flaws. Before, I had judged myself on human standards. I took pride in the fact that I wasn’t as bad other people. All through the time I was ill I was put through hard things. A person’s true character comes out when they are put in difficult situations. The Lord broke my pride and showed me how ugly I really was. I realized I wasn’t as great as I thought. The Lord helped me not to be so judgmental of others, but to love them. Through suffering God gave me a gift of a deeper relationship with my family. I came to appreciate them more than I could ever imagine. I came to realized that I was blessed where it truly counted. I might not have my health or fancy things, but I had a family that loved me and would take care of me even though I didn’t always treat them right. I found un-measureable joy in knowing him more. I developed a greater desire to not be satisfied with my present relationship with God, but to always want to be closer to him.
I think the most important thing I learned though, was how to trust God. I learned that even when life seemed out of control and I had no say in what would happen, God was in control and he has a plan far greater than anything I could come up with. The path he put me on isn’t going to be the same as anyone else, because his purpose for me is unique. I just have to rest in his promises. That he loves me. That he will never leave me or forsake me. In every season and time in my life, His hand is present. He is using my life on this earth to shape me for eternity.